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Slashed by a Bear for wearing shorts

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 So we're in the middle of a hurricane, and like most dogs, mine hates the rain.  I tried to get him to go outside but he just stood on the stoop, staring at me with his soulful pitbull eyes waiting to be let back in the house.  I sighed because I knew that this meant I'd have to go stand outside with him.  I tried standing with him right next to the door, but he just looked at me like I was stupid for not opening the door to get us out of the rain. Resignedly, I stepped into the yard.  Now that seems like a lot of detail to give you for such a simple thing, but here's the issue.  I was still in my pajamas, and due to this oppressive southern heat, my pajamas were shorts.  I have been cursed (though most would say blessed because they don't know what it's like  or are men ) with a big ass.  I say that with all the hate in the world for this thing, because it brings me absolutely nothing but panic attack-inducing stress exacerbated by the negative attention that it b

Trash Panda Men

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 The dating pool is rougher than anyone that has been out of it for any length of time can possibly imagine.  Not only is it filled with men just lounging around the pool, not even sure if they want to get in or not, but there is a not often discussed predator, lurking beneath the murky waters.  I'm talking about the bottom feeding men that are actually already in a relationship, yet refuse to get out of the water.  Today we aren't even going to discuss the men that are half in, half out of a relationship.  We won't go over the men that are essentially living with a woman and doing everything good men do in relationships, happy as they can be, but with a complete and abject refusal to define, categorize or give the situationship a name.  No, we'll save that for later. I'm talking about the married, or in committed relationship men.  The ones that never post their wives and girlfriends, but if you go to the woman's page, you see a storybook relationship of trips,

There's Levels To This Shit

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So I'm here, on the dating scene in 2017 and to be perfectly honest, I haven't been in a true relationship since 2006.  I could (and will at some point) entertain and amuse you with stories about the guy who only lasted until we discovered he's a psychopath about how his popcorn has to be made using a microwave that has a rack or the other guy that left me after three weeks to propose to his ex like I'm some perverted version of good luck Chuck but those are stories for another day.  Today I'm going to give you a rundown of my rules for dating in 2017, or the levels/steps I've come up with for the evolution of relationships in this day and age.  Now feel free to add or subtract as you see fit because I made these rules up and they work for me, but I encourage you to come up with something that works for you, because let's be real, it's not safe in these streets going out there with no plan . Now some of you are probably in committed relationships or ma

Missed Opportunities

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So...I am just a little socially awkward.  If you've ever met me, you probably wouldn't think so, because I am great in social situations, but not on one on one settings with men.  If you actually know me you're thinking...uh yeah...DUH. I just...have the tendency to freeze up.  And then later I'm like, oh I should have said/done this or this.  I mean really, I am vibrant, witty and I have a hilarious sense of humor (lol) but when it comes right down to it, I'm just not a dater, so it makes it hard to interact with the opposite sex. Case in point.  This morning, on the way to work my gas light came on.  No bueno because I hate stopping for gas, especially during the morning commute!  But I digress. So I stop at the gas station and there is this uber cute guy pumping gas across from me.  He was dressed really nicely, in a sweater with a collared shirt underneath, obviously on the way to work as well.  He looks at me and smiles, and says good morning.  I shyly r